Global Casting Call for Trump Actor
Porn Company Plans to Dominate the Trump Parody Porn Segment and Needs THE Trumpest Performer on the Planet!
Today xHamster, one of the world’s largest adult entertainment sites, has issued a casting call around the world for the man to play Donald Trump in their planned 4-year series of pornographic parodies of the administration.
“The Trump transition has been turbulent for all of us. We apologize for the delay in getting out this request,” said Alex Hawkins, spokesperson for xHamster. “There is nothing more that the American public needs that quality adult content parodies to help them understand the ever shifting landscape of their Executive Branch of government.”
Ideally, qualified applicants would have a unique hairstyle that closely matches that of the 45th President of the United States. Additionally, this performer would need to be in the ‘best health of any actor to do porn,’ to have even more in common with the President-elect, whose own physician said that Trump is the ‘healthiest person to run for President in history.” Additional qualifications include the ability to make incredible deals, and bring the HUGE-ness (or “YUGE” in the parlance of Trump) of the President-elect to the small screens and tablets of our consumers.
Optional characteristics of this performer include: having small hands, “not having a problem, down there,” and an affinity for walls (glory hole optional in the wall). The ability to harness both Trump’s complete understanding of all issues without any actual knowledge of an issue, is also an optional trait.
How do you apply?
Please send a non-adult oriented video of yourself, dressed and in Trump-esque character to [email protected]. From there, we will post submissions to our website and allow our users to select which lucky individual will be xHamster’s official Trump for the duration of the Presidency.
We plan to announce the winner the day before President Trump’s first Address to a Joint Session of Congress, often referred to as the State of the Union. This election will be determined by the popular vote. We will not be using an electoral college system to determine the winner of this vital election.
The selected will receive the Twitter handle: @realxHDonaldTrump in order to interact with voters and fans across the globe.
Following the successful casting of the newly elected President Trump at xHamster, we will conduct similar competitions for key members of his inner circle: ex-wifes, f@mily members (of legal age), cabinet officials, and judicial nominees.
“This won’t be easy, but it will be HUGE,” continued Alex. “There is no margin for error if xHamster is going to provide the world with the real (parody) story of the next 4 years, which will be best to watch from the privacy of your bedroom or bathroom.”
Today xHamster, one of the world’s largest adult entertainment sites, has issued a casting call around the world for the man to play Donald Trump in their planned 4-year series of pornographic parodies of the administration.
“The Trump transition has been turbulent for all of us. We apologize for the delay in getting out this request,” said Alex Hawkins, spokesperson for xHamster. “There is nothing more that the American public needs that quality adult content parodies to help them understand the ever shifting landscape of their Executive Branch of government.”
Ideally, qualified applicants would have a unique hairstyle that closely matches that of the 45th President of the United States. Additionally, this performer would need to be in the ‘best health of any actor to do porn,’ to have even more in common with the President-elect, whose own physician said that Trump is the ‘healthiest person to run for President in history.” Additional qualifications include the ability to make incredible deals, and bring the HUGE-ness (or “YUGE” in the parlance of Trump) of the President-elect to the small screens and tablets of our consumers.
Optional characteristics of this performer include: having small hands, “not having a problem, down there,” and an affinity for walls (glory hole optional in the wall). The ability to harness both Trump’s complete understanding of all issues without any actual knowledge of an issue, is also an optional trait.
How do you apply?
Please send a non-adult oriented video of yourself, dressed and in Trump-esque character to [email protected]. From there, we will post submissions to our website and allow our users to select which lucky individual will be xHamster’s official Trump for the duration of the Presidency.
We plan to announce the winner the day before President Trump’s first Address to a Joint Session of Congress, often referred to as the State of the Union. This election will be determined by the popular vote. We will not be using an electoral college system to determine the winner of this vital election.
The selected will receive the Twitter handle: @realxHDonaldTrump in order to interact with voters and fans across the globe.
Following the successful casting of the newly elected President Trump at xHamster, we will conduct similar competitions for key members of his inner circle: ex-wifes, f@mily members (of legal age), cabinet officials, and judicial nominees.
“This won’t be easy, but it will be HUGE,” continued Alex. “There is no margin for error if xHamster is going to provide the world with the real (parody) story of the next 4 years, which will be best to watch from the privacy of your bedroom or bathroom.”
há 7 anos
--> Hillary Clinton steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald Trump "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.” I will definitely win the election.
Donald Trump --> "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
Donald Trump --> goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?" Donald Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket".
The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."
"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s. Its terrible. Its just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I'll tell you.
First of all the number 2, by the way I love the number 2. It's probably my favorite number, no it is my favorite number. You know what, it's probably more like the number two but with a lot of zeros behind it. A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of zeros. Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a zero that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy but he's like, "10101000101", on and on, like that. He's like a computer! You know what I mean? He's like a computer. I don't know. I mean, you know.
So, we have all these numbers and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of operations than me. You wouldn't believe it. That I can tell you. So, we're gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me. OK? Alright. Thank you."
Jumping on the liberal 'Trump is mean and bad' wagon is pretty low. Even for porn.